Be Assertive, Yet CalmPeople can mistake your emotions, confusion and disappointment as a feeling of guilt or a sign of weakness. So, it is very important to sound calm, clear and firm when saying no to someone for something. Be assertive and confident, without sounding rude or uncaring. The other person is more likely to accept your refusal if you don’t raise your voice or sound upset.
Be HonestSays Mordecai, “The point of saying no will never arise if you stand in your power and exercise your purpose. The best way to deal with a situation is to communicate your intention with the people who matter the most. Write a long message or email and be vulnerable about where you are standing and the fact that you are working on making changes. If someone still overrides your decision, ignore their messages and calls and answer back in a time in which you operate at your optimum. You do not need to ‘over perform’ to win people in your life. The minute you find yourself in ‘performance’ mode, hold yourself back, observe your weakness from an outsider’s point of view and see where the correction is needed.”
Don’t Keep ApologisingYes, we understand that you feel bad about saying no, but the more you apologise, the more it will be taken as a sign of weakness, letting the other person think that they still have a chance to convince you. You should apologise once, but leave it at that and sound firm in your denial.
Explain the Reason for Your RefusalIf you think that your refusal has genuinely hurt the other person, offer a reasonable explanation for why you couldn’t do what they asked you to. The best thing to do is to take a deep breath, offer a genuine smile and firmly refuse. Don’t offer extra words, embroidery, or guilty compensating efforts.
Recognise That You Really Want to Say 'No'Explains Shahi, “The mind works in two extremes – like a pendulum it goes from ‘yes, yes, yes’ to ‘no, no, no’. This is known as the duality of the mind. To reach a balanced decision, the mind needs to be in the middle, as the decision will arise from the centre. The answer that arrives from one’s core, the deepest cell, is the real one. Be it a yes or a no, it will be forceful, powerful and total. To avoid unnecessary talks, be real and authentic in your communication and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”
Train Your MindFollow this trick that Shahi often uses herself. “You can train your mind to arrive at the right decision, as far as saying no is concerned. When you’re in doubt about something, think about it in your head and say yes, yes, yes to it for a couple of minutes. Alternate that with a no, no, no for the next couple of minutes. After alternating a few times, hold on and think. Your answer will arise from within your core.”
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