You’ve had an emotionally difficult break up with your partner, a bitter falling out with your parents or siblings, or even a big fight with your best friend– each of these relationships was something you invested a lot in, both physically and mentally, and getting over them may seem like the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life. But it is possible. We’re not saying it’s easy, we’re not saying it’s quick, we’re not saying it’s not painful; but only once you let go of the past can you move on with your life.
“The process of letting go should be in understanding that there is enough space in this world for each individual to be happy and it’s not necessary that if it didn’t work with one it won’t with another,” says life coach Ramona Mordecai. “In fact, the experience of this interaction holds a lesson to choose healthier circumstances for one to thrive in. And as you learn to believe that life has so much more in store for you, you automatically push ahead to achieve it.”
If you’ve been struggling to get over someone who hurt you through their words or actions, here are some simple steps you can follow to ease you through the process.
Stay Out of Touch with the Person
It’s very easy to say but in reality, it can be next to impossible to not hear the person’s voice, see them, or even text one another. This is where you must be strong. The thing is, the more you keep the other person in your life the harder it will be for you to move on. It’s a sign of greater maturity to let go instead of holding on.
Build (And Believe In) the Faith
If you’ve lost faith, you’ve lost everything. Know, understand and believe that you will overcome this painful situation and be happy again. “Walk away knowing that given time and space from the situation at hand, whether the past decides to resolve itself or not, you will be just fine,” says Mordecai.
Release All Your Regrets
Many times, when a relationship ends, you believe that it wouldn’t have turned out that way if you had behaved in a certain way. You might even see this as a productive thought, but living in the past will only bring suffering. It is far better to focus on the good things in your current situation.
Get Over the Fear
According to the Tiny Buddha blog, “Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative. You might not recognise these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: ‘I’ll never feel loved again’ or ‘I’ll always feel lonely’. Replace those thoughts with: ‘All pain passes eventually’ and ‘I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.’”
Forgive Them and Yourself
The important point is to not be negative and paint an evil picture of the person who hurt you. According to this article in Psych Central, “Forgiveness isn’t saying, ‘I agree with what you did.’ Instead, it’s saying, ‘I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.’ Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s simply saying, ‘I’m a good person. You’re a good person. You did something that hurt me. But I want to move forward in my life and welcome joy back into it. I can’t do that fully until I let this go.’”
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Cover Image Courtesy: Tamasha (2015)