If you’ve ever taken one of those random quizzes floating around on the web, you’ve probably found out the answers to profound questions you might have about your life and general existence. Questions like what kind of ice cream flavour you’d be in a past life or what is your inner potato (these are actual quizzes, no really). We decided to create a quiz just like that, titled ‘what kind of app are you?’ so you too could be subject to clickbait thinly masquerading as an article. Our chief editor didn’t take too kindly to this approach and thus, this ‘article’ was struck off the list.
The End? Not quite. We are not ones to give up so easily so took the liberty of putting a new spin to it, putting ourselves in the shoes of famous peeps and took the quiz on their behalf. Here are the illustrated results.
Get the ice wallpaper that keeps your phone when it’s hot and under pressure from too many apps. Don’t confuse yourself with logic by saying that it’s impossible to lower your phone temperature. Just keep calm, M.S. Dhoni style, and make your smartphone the coolest phone around, literally and figuratively.
Download the (non-existent) app of the country’s reigning selfie champ, Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Capture your visage from every angle. App features include the ability to remove unimportant people from the picture, add lotus icons and change the background to orange.
Live the fabulous life of Salman Khan as you drive through the streets of Mumbai in vehicles ranging from a bicycle surrounded by your bodyguards to a SUV. Mow down antelopes and pedestrians alike, and do a cheesy dance number to end every mission. In case you’re caught, choose a variety of escape options from blaming a lackey to opening another Being Human store.
Run through the entire country in the Chota Gandhi India Run to become the next Congress MVP. Hug villagers, avoid Bhakts, and humour everyone else with ageless RaGa-isms.
Trust Shah Rukh Khan to star in a movie about himself as himself in a movie that also features him in a dual role as his biggest fan. Use Fan Mode to face swap with SRK’s mug. From DDLJ to Dilwale, choose a variety of King Khan faces.
If there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, who ya gonna call? Everyone, with the Siren app by Arnab Goswami, guaranteed to get the attention of every single living being within a 10 km radius. Let the shouts of India’s most infamous news anchor pierce the ears of your victims till they beg for mercy.
Use the unofficial app not endorsed by Baba Ramdev to become the most flexible kid on the block. Practise every single yoga pose under the sun with helpful instructions to help you flex your way. Early bird offer: flash the app at grocery stores to get a 10% discount on all Patanjali products. 20% if you can complete the extreme yoga poses mode.
Do you know that the water you drink could possibly be contaminated with thousands of germs? Get Hema Malini’s ‘Where’s My Shuddh Paani’ app to detect the level of contamination with sophisticated software that scans your glass and recommends the best model of Kent Water Purifier for you.
Let Alok Nath make you sanskaari with the Virtual Mandir app. If there isn’t a temple in sight, fear not. Open up the Virtual Mandir app to pray your sins away. Every complete ritual will unlock a brand new Alok Nath meme for you to share with your Godless heathen friends.
Illustrations Courtesy: Abhijeet Kini