So 2016 has been well so far. Full of promises and such. But before we get there, let’s talk about things we have left behind. We’re talking trends. These fashion trends have made it out alive, repeatedly, and have made it to the finish mark. But we strongly believe they needn’t receive a gracious welcome this year. Here’s our list of 10 fashion trends that must die.
Over the top dressing
True, playing dress up starts at age five and never really ends. But for those who make overdressing look like an artform, I wish it would. End. At. Age.Five. Dressing like the bejewelled tiara on a pageant queen’s head is so passé, primarily because the world loves comfort and knows thats more important than the walking fancy dress competition you are attempting. If not, Steve Jobs wouldn’t have ever seen the light of a fashion listing. One word for you, over the top dressers - NORMCORE. So normal that it’s hardcore.
A shoe so obnoxious, it has featured on every magazine’s ‘trends that should die' list, every year. But guess what, Crocs are still going strong and I cannot fathom why. I mean, really, the shoe has craters larger than the ones on Hugh Hefner’s face. It has more round edges than our planet. It has more history being worn in nursing homes than syringes disposed. It’s barely even a shoe. It’s what you get when you boil Play-Doh. It’s what you get if you accidentally took a piece of foam to a drilling machine. It’s what you don’t get in 2016, or ever after.
Speaking of hardcore, 2015 was the year of the razor. I wish some people used it more on their legs and less on their heads *insert that’s what she said joke here.*From rock bands to college girls, Miley Cyrus to Skrillex, Adam Levine to...oh wait, look Adam Levine (wastes twenty minutes ogling, loses train of thought).What I’m trying to say is, don’t shave off part of your head because everyone else already did. Let your hair grow back in 2016 and I promise there will be a new trend bandwagon waiting to be jumped on.
What’s tattered, flimsy and looks like a shredding machine went berserk in a garment factory? Why the fringe of course. I for one, never understood this trend even knowing that it comes from the Jazz Age and that it’s as feminine as feminine could get back in the twenties. I prefer my tank top whole, thank you. You want to save resources, save water. Fringe was one of the biggest trends in 2015, what with it being the uniform at every music festival (I swear I saw some people wearing fringe dresses at a death metal concert) but it’s done to death. From T-shirts to skirts to dresses to shoes to bags, I think it’s best we go back to ending our hemlines with a sew or better, scallops.
The man bun
What started as a ‘whose hair can grow faster’ competition between two college frat boys ended up as the biggest fad in men’s trends last year – a man bun. Even prefixing it with the masculine word ‘man’ could not bring this trend to sound too macho. So big was its prowess that companies took it upon themselves to create clip-on, artificial man buns for the scantily endowed scalps of many men out there. Seriously guys, let’s go back to growing our beards till they touch our knees, I’ll gladly be a part of that revolution. Remember, the only buns you should worry about are the ones that come with maska on the side.
Moth Eaten Denim
I never thought I would ridicule denim, a staple wardrobe piece I have loved every form and reincarnation of. Except now when it decided to go into reverse evolution. Distressed jeans are great. Jeans that are so distressed, they’re barely there– now those are called a swimsuit. To avoid confusion, let me explain. Kim Kardashian strutted out in a pair of denims that had the black hole we all studied about in school, on her knees. There was denim on the thigh and on the calves and nothing but a large hole over the middle. And like moths to a flame, the bloggerverse followed suit and made this blasphemy a trend. What’s next, naming our kids after directions? Be a good kid, take your denim to granny and have her fix it up right.
I can almost not believe this is still going around. Here’s what a longline tee does – it makes your legs look shorter, which is in not a good look unless you’re Shaqeel ‘O Neil. Besides, Eminem and 50 cent have a shared patent on this trend. You cannot wear one unless you show one of these symptoms–
- a) An affinity to some senseless music to balance out the good music you created initially.
- b) A minimum of 5 kilos of gold necklaces and rings on you.
- c) A music video with dancing women, dancing all over you, on your head, on the cameraman’s head.
Bappi Lahiri can wear a longline tee. He passes all three criteria.
The Smoky Eye
Also known as the outcome of violence– domestic or otherwise– this looks like a hit and not miss straight on one’s face. I’m personally not against the trend of the smoky eye, except that no one other than a celebrity seems to get it right (kudos to their make-up artists). Another thing about the smoky eye is that it is the most asked for make-up at weddings and has occupied close to about 27% of the YouTube tutorials space. Time to hit refresh, try a no-nothing eye for a change.
Seriously. Two words – Nail Axe. 'Cause no cutter gonna cut those talons. Nail art? Sure, why not. Nail piercing? Weird, but I could get used to it for the mere reason that it’s comes without pain. Nails that can dig up a tunnel from prison? Prison, oh that’s why you have them that long? Now I get it.
Before Bae broke the internet and was used as a hashtag with pictures of cats, dogs, boyfriends and the unexpected– dessert, clouds and the neighbour’s apple tree, it meant quite literally one thing. Poop, in Danish. Google it and think of how much you really love the person pouting next to you in the selfie before hashtagging them as #mybae unless you really are abysmally disgusted by their stench. Then by all means tag them too.